Thursday, 25 December 2008

centrelink

Inevitably, Australia's interpretation of the 'welfare state' has evolved - in some ways for the better.
If you think about it, the philosophy of 'mutual obligation' has a lot of nett benefits … as long as it applies to everyone!
It never has. It never will.

It's long been my contention that the ¿service? I term 'Clink' - the sound made by a single dried-out brain cell rattling around an empty skull - needs a bloody good reaming out.
In fact, it needs a Senate enquiry followed by an overhaul.
Why?
Somewhere over the past 20 years Australian society - the collective 'we' (comprising taxpayers, 'leaders' / legislators and administrators) - has lost sight of the original intent of 'welfare' as a safety-net.
Clink has become exclusivist, obstructionist and adversarial rather than inclusive and helpful.

In achieving this sorry political ideal Clink has devolved into a sanctuary for incompetence.
(As with education and health, alas, too many good operators have given up and moved on.)

Clink imposes the strictest of requirements on its 'clients' while failing to meet the lowest standards of professionalism.
Too much power, too little accountability. It's as simple as that.

If I ran my business the way they ran theirs, I'd disappear up my own backside (just like them).

My evidence is merely anecdotal: I know eight or ten Clink 'clients' fairly well; I've heard depressingly familiar stories from many more.
Most of them simply can't get consistently accurate (honest) information or consistent responses out of these bozos.
Here's a typical scenario:
1. 'Client' X calls on Monday and (after waiting in a queue indefinitely) receives 'advice A'.
This information usually doesn't tally with Clink's documentation, so …
2. She calls again on Tuesday and receives 'advice B', which invariably contradicts A.
3. Then she sacrifices other commitments and turns up to an appointment on Thursday with sufficient documentation to cover the requirements of both A and B.
Guess what?
4. Advice C both contradicts and supercedes the earlier advice. Trip wasted. In total, hours wasted. Clink accountability? Zero.
5. And so the cycle continues.
These days, one of Clink's core functions is to break people's spirits.
They'll never own up. They'll never tell the truth. Stuff the lot of 'em!


Without a doubt, it's a political thing. It's a policy thing.
Driven by the Tweedledum and Tweedledee of the market agenda: Labor and Liberal.

Don't get me started on 'Work for the Dole' (still operating under a different title). Suffice it to say, WFTD was never about getting anyone 'working' - and even less concerned with building better (more employable) citizens.
Don't get me started on Clink's role in cooking the books to help successive governments publish favourable employment stats.

If mutual obligation had an ounce of validity, any number of dysfunctional, agenda-serving ministers from the Howard and Rudd governments (Reith, Andrews, Ruddock, Downer - plus Conroy and possibly Garrett for starters) would be out on their arses.
(A couple of the former might even be serving prison time.)

That's enough ranting for now.
I've got a lot more to say about where the unemployed, the disabled, aged pensioners, single parents (etc.) fit into the global economy - in terms of their generally small enviro-footprint AND the Return on Investment they offer in terms of a more sustainable future - but will postpone this argument to ensure my key point is made …
Clink is f*cked. Clink needs fixing.

To close this particular attack, I'm going to cite, completely unedited (and with permission), a post I read the other day about how Clink 'functions'.
It was part of an online discussion pursuant to Kevin 747's Umpteenth Plan: to reduce homelessness in Australia by 50% by 2020.
(We all know - and most people (by now) hope - Kev'll be long gone by then.
I'll be happy to bet he'll be chairing that Nirvana of Inaction, the UN - prattling on smugly, happily and bi-lingually.)

To put the following into context, Y asks a question - "What changes would you suggest?" - and Z responds in beautiful detail …

What changes would you suggest?

Wow, where to begin?

Okay, to start with they can stop referring to the people using a Centrelink-provided service as "clients" and "customers". Its a ridiculous, politically correct waste of time that I (personally) find insulting to my intelligence. If I was a "customer" of Centrelink, I'd be taking my business elsewhere because their "customer service" sucks. But you can't go elsewhere, so they can drop the pretense of being like other large institutions (banks, shops and other businesses). I don't care what they refer to those people as, so long as it doesn't give the impression that they have any kind of choice in the matter.

Second, they can fix their computer systems. Centrelink's system doesn't (currently) interface properly with the system used by Job Providers. Job Providers log someone in as having turned up for job training and it doesn't show up on Centrelink's system, so they cut off your payments.

Third, they need to recognize that mentally ill people are mentally ill. They might not remember they have an appointment (Alzheimer's), they might be aggressive to staff (paranoid schizophrenia) and they might not even understand WTF you're saying to them (impaired cognitive function i.e. brain damage). The mentally ill person also can't help that they're flapped in the head.

Forth, the Income and Assets test needs to be reversed. Instead of you having to prove you don't have any money, they should have to prove you do before refusing payment especially in cases where the mentally ill are involved.

Fifth, I've also discovered that up to one third of the social services sector consists of people employed solely to inform members of the public that they can't actually help them and to distribute lists of other organizations that might be able to.

Sixth, if the people who work at Centrelink are supposed to be professionals, they need to be able to exercise some level of discretion if, in their professional opinion, a situation warrants a non-check box response. I know adding some flexibility opens the system up for cheating, but you can cheat it easily already just by knowing which boxes to tick on the forms. End result is that you still have a system that can be abused, but that can actually function for non-standard cases as well.

Here's my own personal scenario from earlier in the year:

What should have happened:

[Dad] Apply for Aged Pension, granted.
[Me] apply for Carer's Payment, granted.
What actually happened:

[Dad] Applied for Aged Pension, rejected, appealed rejection, rejection upheld, appealed again, gave up appeal in frustration, applied for Disability Support Pension, rejected, appealed, rejection upheld, applied for Newstart Allowance, granted, applied for exemption from looking for work due to sickness, exemption granted, applied for Disability Support Pension again, granted.
[Me] Applied for Carer's Payment, rejected, appealed, rejection upheld, appealed, rejection upheld again, applied for Newstart Allowance, granted, applied for exemption from looking for work due to sickness, granted, exemption expired, applied again for exemption, granted, applied for councelling session with psychologist due to impending mental breakdown, attended sessions with psychologist and bitched about Centrelink, psychologist diagnosed severe depression, anxiety, hypertension, grief, asked how I was still standing...exemption expired, applied again for exemption, granted, got Dad some money, made a few calls, got a new job, called Centrelink manager and suggested they attempt auto-copulation for making the whole saga stretch out for six and a half months.
Yeah, I lied and cheated the system and my Dad (who is suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's disease) would be on the streets if I hadn't, so I did what I needed to do and make absolutely no apologies for it.

You know what I needed? Some bloody time off to get my Dad's affairs sorted out and find him a nice nursing home to spend the next few years in while he turns into a vegetable. Knowing that he'd be flapped if I just handed everything over to the social welfare system, how could I do that and still sleep at night? I don't even particularly like my father, but I wouldn't wish Centrelink on my worst enemy.

Thursday, 18 December 2008

the spirit of christmas: a vignette

Like many atheists I don't get really excited about this time of year.
I'm not curmudgeonly about it.
I love sharing the happiness of kids.
I enjoy catching up with mates for a drink and a good rant and some special food.
I even look forward to seeing the odd relative. (I have plenty of those.)
And let's face it, after a few drugs of choice, some of those hymns and homilies can sound pretty damn good.

Yet it's difficult to seriously embrace superstitious behaviour … and harder still condone full-tilt consumption! … when these two factors, among several others, contribute to the deprivation experienced by billions of my neighbours - and ongoing damage to my planet.

Here's a little reality check which helped put my personal 'festive' season in perspective.
I picked up a hitchhiker today: a male, maybe late thirties to early forties.
During the three or four minutes we spent together, I learnt that a bare fortnight ago he had separated from his wife of 18 years.
Upon his return from an extended visit to relatives in the UK she pulled the pin.
He lost his family, his house, his car.
At some stage he had lost his business.
He was living between caravan parks and trying to pull the strands of his life back together.
He was friendly. He joked a bit. He even patted my car … something no one else has done (aside from me) since I owned it.

I'll probably never know his real story. I'll certainly never know his wife's side of the story.
But I felt incredibly empty inside when I dropped him off at the bus stop.
I'll admit that I wished him a good christmas.
And he reciprocated.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

customer service: part II – the solution

OK.
I've had my (valid) rant about predominantly crap service (see my last post), so let's move on to affirmative stuff.

Never a massive John Lennon fan, I agree it can often be a very good thing to Imagine a better world …
(as long as you're prepared to get out of bed and do something about it!)

So let's imagine a society where every person put everyone else ahead of themselves.
No self-servers, no queue-jumpers, no precious little personal agendas or self-centred 'emotional' responses.

(Of course, everyone's entitled to a little 'ME-time'. It's noted, so don't panic.)

To take a wholistic approach to customer service: the problem embodies the solution!
Your life, your family, your society, your planet, your universe has NEVER been about YOU … or me … or someone else:
It's always been about the entire fucking system!


I can't claim to have perfected the approach - and, indeed, I have more than my share of faults (e.g. I'm in the Guiness Book of Records under World's Worst Housekeeper!) - but it's one I strive for every day.
How does it work?
It ain't rocket science.
Try life at the back of the queue!

Example 1: Pay it forward.
(No, I don't believe in 'karma' but this is all about 'doing the right thing' - and satisfaction is its own reward.)
Be spontaneously helpful.
Trust people to fulfil commitments - at least once. :)
Offer respect up front - don't wait for it.
(Yes, you'll frequently get your fingers burnt!
Yet you'll also learn a hell of a lot. About others. About yourself. About how to 'do it better' next time.)

Example 2: Learn to say 'Yes!' most of the time.
Personally, I'm more than a little bored with those 'life-pilgrims' who've spent half a lifetime 'learning to say No'.
Engage with people! 'Learn' to enjoy helping them!
Your colleagues, your community, your planet really need your participation!

Example 2a: Be generous … with your time, with your talents, with your beer fridge.

Example 3: Children aren't chattels!
Indeed, they have a lot to learn and do need to follow the directions of loving parents for their own good, but they have every right to have their say and be respected as equal human beings.
'Children should be seen and not heard' is simply a bullshit model.
I can't stand parents who repeatedly shut their kids out of social interactions or otherwise disrespect them.
Parent, teacher, mentor, whatever your role … caring for kids is not about you; AND it's certainly never been about control.

Example 4: Leave your baggage at the door.
You've probably noticed that I'm a keen student of human behaviour.
Based on my direct observations over the past 40 years or so, I'll assert that about two-thirds of conflict situations (including poor service) arise from poorly contained, misdirected, self-centred emotions (usually combined with poor communications skills - see below).
Don't take your problems out on anyone else!
Leave your issues at home.
Having the proverbial 'bad day'? FFS, Let It Go!, get a bloody grip or simply walk away.

Example 4a: Forgive! - even if you can never forget.
Just as I'm bored with 'life-pilgrims' who believe the universe revolves around their own backsides, I'm equally pissed off with the many who bear a grudge over inconsequential matters or a healthy difference of opinion.
Grow up. Just bloody well grow up!
In case you haven't noticed, there's plenty of real shit going on: if you can't handle being part of the solution, stop being part of the problem.

Example 4b: At every opportunity, work to build your communications skills!
Effective communication is something I'm pretty passionate about.
If nothing else, be clear in what you say or write - and make every effort to keep everyone in the loop.
In social and commercial situations alike, failure to do all these things amounts to a serious deficiency.
No more, no less.
So fix it. This is not difficult!
To avoid prolixity I'll move on with this humble offering: Imagine a world where all communications were both clear (in every sense) and sensitive to others.

Example 5: Power is over-rated.
Take yourself in hand before you even think about pushing other people around.
Shed your personal agenda and move on to seek collegiate or co-operative solutions.
Believe me, being relatively 'powerless' is a truly liberating experience: having 'nothing to lose' sets you free!

Example 5a: Be humble. Listen.
It's human nature to assume a default position (or defence) based on our knowledge-base and past experiences and prejudices; humility enables us to develop (evolve) as human beings.
I have a good friend who occasionally seeks my advice on handling 'difficult' clients or improving his customer service - and I'm happy to share what I know.
Every so often he offers up a strategy that I hadn't considered before: I'd be a complete fool not to listen, to value his contribution and add it to my toolbox.

Example 6: Tell the truth! with minimum collateral damage.
The truth means a lot to me and, as I gracefully age, its importance grows.
Honesty isn't for everyone, nor will it ever be - and that's a shame, because (again) telling the truth is liberating.
That said, try to Tell the truth with full empathy with - respect for - the feelings of others.
Occasionally this won't be possible, so do your best.

Example 6a: Speak up! Stand up! Be courageous.
When you know you're right, don't take any shit.
If something's clearly WRONG in the world, in your community, in your family, have your say and make it stop!
If something's clearly GOOD in the world, in your community, in your family, have your say proclaim its worth!
Literally half the world's problems could be solved pretty rapidly if we all had the guts to speak … vote … act the way we think.
Have the guts to take a position and take a risk.

Example 7: ALWAYS keep your promises!
My daughter and I have shared definitions for undertakings.
There's a 'Hannah Promise' - like Mary Poppins' 'pie-crust promise': easily made, easily broken.
Then there's the 'Daddy Promise' - written in stone; a commitment never to be breached.
Critical where kids are concerned, I reckon Daddy Promises should apply to grownups too!
Incidentally, NEVER show up at 6.30 to pick up your kids from childcare that closes at 6.00.
This is a complete betrayal of trust (and really ought to be capital offence).


Example 7a: ALWAYS meet your daily commitments to the highest possible standard.
Return phone calls, emails and messages promptly.
Never let anyone down, regardless of the relationship.
For example, being a 'volunteer' is no excuse for unreliability. If you can't deliver as a professional, just don't offer.
Develop a service model for family, friends, colleagues, customers and suppliers - even strangers - that will uplift them.
Push yourself to excel at everything important you do.
Take pride in setting an example for others.

Example 8: When you're wrong, Apologise!
Don't hide, don't blame anyone, don't obfuscate!
Own up and take responsibility on the chin - and then do your darndest to make good: the apology is otherwise meaningless.
Again, yet another monkey off your back!
We all make mistakes. I should know.

Example 9: Always seek to improve.
This is a principle that helps you personally, in addition to everyone you deal with.
Taking opportunities to learn how to 'do stuff' will keep your brain functioning at its best; and help you serve your planet better.
It's not only good for you, it can be a lot of fun!

Example 10: Remain skeptical - 'cynical' if you like, but never bitter!
In case you haven't noticed, there's a large pack of idiots, parasites and users out there; not just in government, business or religion.
You're doing no one any favours by promoting them.
For example, NEVER forward an 'Alert!! / Panic NOW!!!' email without doing your homework on its veracity.
Equally, try to ensure your beliefs are underpinned by your knowledge and experiences, rather than your emotional needs.
And never forget that 'lobbyists' are paid to push an agenda. Right or Wrong - they just don't care!
Lobbyists who tell lies for money are the true scum of society as their (notional) 'integrity' is for sale to the highest bidder.

I'll reserve the right, as always, to update this post over time.
Feedback welcome.

PS. (20/12/08) I thought I'd covered pretty much everything already (in terms of the 'broad brush') but have made some inclusions above.
I've also gathered up a few extra 'values' which complement the others. There is a little built-in redundancy so bear with me:
Strive to be perceptive in every sense of the word: your physical presence and movement, your driving habits, your awareness of the needs (vulnerability?) of others in all situations;
Be courteous at every opportunity (I see courtesy as empowerment rather than servility);
Be willing to protect (or simply support) those who need it - yes indeed, sometimes you'll need to take a risk and reach out;
Try to ensure, within your ability to do so, that everyone gets a fair go - even if it's only their fair share;
Learn to lose gracefully - you can't win 'em all (and you shouldn't!);
Be patient! - not everyone will automatically absorb and understand what you require of them (and why should they?) - the more you invest, the better the return;
Embrace Diversity! Differences! Debate! - cultural or philosophical differences should never divide people of goodwill! and the bastards who are screwing up our planet - screwing with our lives - thrive on division!;
DON'T WHINGE! - 'debrief' by all means, cos it's a great safety valve, but (FFS) KNOW when to STOP!

Friday, 14 November 2008

customer service: part I - the reality

Sensational service underpins my business.
I've always taken pride in delivering fast, excellent service to my clientele and new customers alike.
I take a real interest in their progress and celebrate their successes.
Most of them are friends. Some are good friends.
I enjoy challenging myself to turn around work as quickly as possible and finding efficient, elegant solutions to technical issues.
I always promptly respond to phone calls and emailed enquiries.
I'm generally happy to go the extra mile to satisfy customers' needs … by working out-of-hours to achieve the 'impossible', perhaps, or building solutions to help their budget work.
Sometimes they need some simple advice - or a referral - or a 'translator' to explain some technical jargon.
Information is power! and customers are entitled to know what's going on.
I never charge for such 'consultancy' services … even when I need to conduct my own research on behalf of others.
In fact, though I realistically can't afford to - and shouldn't! - around a third of the work I perform is charged out either free or at my 'community rate'.
To simplify all this: I'm a professional. I love my work. I love to help out.
'It's all part of the service!'

I was having a chat yesterday with my very good friend S about the many 'gaps' in Australian culture which encompass knowledge, skills and behaviour rather than socioeconomic inequities (although the latter is definitely relevant up to a point).
Here's my thesis: I believe it's accurate to claim that most Australians simply don't understand the simple principle of customer service.
Yes, we know what we expect of others … yet we simply aren't that good at meeting their expectations!

Using the KISS principle, let's start with the commonly understood interpretation of 'customer service': it's how a business and its representatives respond to your needs.
Irrespective of the size of the business - one employee or thousands - I am repeatedly disappointed by their lack of interest in my needs as a customer.
Poor service takes many forms and I won't dwell on anecdotal evidence. Here's a handful to go on with:
A tradesman who doesn't return my first and only call has lost me as a customer (as well as those I whinge to).
In the retail environment I expect to be acknowledged as (treated as) a human being.
A straight question to a salesperson merits a straight answer. ('I don't know but I'll find out' is fine with me.)
Surreptitiously taking over my telco account without my permission is fraudulent! (Yes, this happened to me. Cheers Optus!)
If I choose to do my grocery shopping 'off-peak' to avoid the queues I get bloody pissed off when I end up in a queue.
Whenever I telephone a company with an enquiry or a complaint, why should I be expected to wait at their convenience?
(Feel free to substitute your own experiences!)

To reinterpret: why must the customer repeatedly 'pay' for a business's deficiencies?
Why is the whole notion of 'customer service' so poorly interpreted within our economy?
And why aren't we doing anything about it?

Now that the traditional definition is covered, let's expand the theme.
Ten or 15 years ago, in response to the demands of the market god (see this - 8 November), government departments, educational institutions, charities and other not-for-profit organisations started relabelling their user-base as 'customers' and 'clients'.
Did this change anything? Did the culture improve? No - and NO.
More 'benchmarks'. Sweet. Ample 'workshops'. Cool.
Same old mediocre service in shiny new packages.
Walking the Talk remains the province of the minority.

Again, I won't dwell on anecdotes since everyone can provide their own - so here's another handful, all very recent.
When I present (as a 'customer') at reception and four staff are jabbering I'm entitled to expect that one just might divorce herself from the drivel to serve me - promptly, courteously, professionally.
And when a local government uses my money to destroy a much-loved kids' playground to build a better one, it shouldn't take more than twelve months to 'serve the customer'.
And should an extremely busy individual be expected to spend 20 minutes plus trying to send a fax to a government department because the number is continually engaged?

Face it. In most cases 'customer service' is getting worse - yet we're all talking the talk more than ever.

Why is this shit happening?
A couple of closely-related reasons.
1.
The market knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
In other words, there's a damn good reason why so many non-essential products are so cheap - aside from the slave-labour involved in production and our collective failure to realistically charge for raw materials.
On the retail side, fewer skilled staff allows more competitive prices, higher turnover … ad nauseam.
To put it another way, the market inherently and systematically undervalues humanity.
'god' just wants us all to be productive / consumptive little cogs in this pervasive, fragile, structurally-'needy' machine that lacks either brain or heart.
It's been proven repeatedly that trained, skilled, professional employees not only add real value to a business … they become more empowered in their personal lives.
Some even start to question the morality of capitalism and overconsumption … and then proceed to disengage just a little … eventually, perhaps, even find a better quality of life.
The market can't have that!

2.
As a society we are increasingly collectively selfish.
What I want is more important than what you want!
Too few of us offer respect unless we get it first. (Even then, it's all-too-often 'conditional'.)
We increasingly eschew volunteerism - leaving the dwindling few to carry the load - and then complain when a community project fails or the Country Fire Authority doesn't show up in time.
We 'shop 'til we drop.'
We demand our middle-class welfare.
We stomp across the planet on the back of cheap air-fares and wonder why the Barrier Reef is dying and the Coorong is dead; why Summer's 'getting hotter' and the rain isn't falling like it used to.
We indulge ourselves silly and worry that our kids are turning into spoilt brats.

Enough! There is a fairly straightforward solution.
But I'll keep you in suspenders.

Monday, 10 November 2008

bye-bye murderers

So, three of the Bali bombers - those pathologically stupid, grinning, self-promoting criminal arseholes - have finally been terminated by the Indonesian state.
Heartbreaker. A handful down, a million or two to go.
No, seriously, it's about about fucking time.
I'd have taken these turds out with a baseball bat … along with the adventurist murderers in the Bush cabinet.

It may surprise many, including my nearest and dearest, that I indeed support the death 'penalty' in some cases.
This is one of them.
As I point out in the following extracts, it's taken me most of a lifetime to arrive at this point.
No, it hasn't been an easy journey.
Two 'wrongs' don't make a right … but, occasionally, one 'right' does.

Here are some of recent posts from my favourite forum - edited for context only.

2 November (1)
Old enough to remember the execution of Ronald Ryan in 1967 …
http://www.slv.vic.gov.au/ergo/ronald_ryan
… and the community rage it engendered at the time (including the anger and despair within my own family), I've grappled with this issue since I was a kid.
Now, nearer to my date of death than my birth (unless I live to 105+ … possible?), I've (more or less) settled on a position I'm satisfied with.
Having read all these posts from people I respect a great deal – who have produced solid 'pro-life' arguments that make sense – it ain't easy for me to say this … but I do indeed support termination of life when it makes society a better place.
Where murder is concerned it's not about punishment or penalties (or even political repercussions) for me: it's more about eliminating menaces, making life safer for the majority.
My support is conditional, however: if any doubt regarding guilt exists, or if the killer/s express genuine contrition, then murdering someone in the name of 'justice' is plain wrong.
I'd happily extend my beliefs to embrace a range of other violent crimes.

2 November (2)
[Responding to XXX.]
XXX: The problem is – people are convicted when the evidence is 'beyond reasonable doubt'. If there was any doubts as to their guilt, they shouldn't be convicted.
Agree 100%, XXX. 
That's one of the shortcomings of the jury system: average punters are expected to make a life-or-death decision based on a series of evidence which all too often is inconclusive …
applying the 'final solution' to a criminal must not be based on weighted conclusions (opinions) but on incontrovertible fact – or, in the case of the Bali bombers, self-aggrandising admissions.
And, when the execution takes place, it is (ideally) unpublicised.
XXX: As to whether they have genuine contrition – who decides that?
I'm not a lawyer ;), just a fairly compassionate individual who believes in the greater good. I don't profess to have all the answers and wouldn't dream to proselytize.
That said, there are plenty of professionals who are more than capable of determining whether killers, serial child-abusers et al. regret their actions or not.
Once again, if a skerrick of doubt remains at the end of a trial, don't kill them in society's name.

3 November
Violent crime rightly evokes an emotional response. 
We'd be less than human if we didn't feel anger and horror when any human being is violated.
The death sentence – ideally, any sentence – must transcend emotion.
(Or, for that matter, political expediency.)
As I said earlier, for me it's not about 'punishment' – and definitely not about revenge.
Neither is it about the political ramifications, martyrdom (what a pack of indoctrinated loser thugs choose to do in the name of a non-existent deity!) or the murderers' global fan-base.
In those rare cases when the facts are established – with 100% certainty – it's time for society to take out its garbage. IMO.
(Acknowledgements to whoever mentioned cleaning up the gene pool.)
One of the reasons many societies ('Western', 'Eastern', others[!?]) are struggling more than ever is that – individually and collectively – we are increasingly disengaged and unwilling to face problems head-on (but that discussion's probably best left for another thread).
In response to the implied question, Yes – as a pacifist rather than a passivist – I'd pull the pin if my number came up.
Admittedly, this is unlikely in a country where cold killers, child-abusers, rapists and wife-bashers can receive multiple 'second chances'.
Postscript: "Never to be released" is pretty arbitrary in countries where presidents, governments and miscellaneous dictators can overrule court decisions when it suits them.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Jed's Ten Commandments for the Naughty Naughties

(Probably a work in progress: this is the first draft.)

1. I, the Market, am the god of everyfink.
Despite my ongoing series of massive fails, all governments shall kneel before me.

2. My servants shall continue to privatise profit and socialise debt in My name.

3. My apostates shall cheat, speculate, exploit and lie massively until found out.
Then tell a different lie … ad infinitum. For this is my divine will. And My children have 'special needs'.

4. Greed is good, as is Poverty - as is Mediocrity - for I cannot survive without all of These Things.

5. The dual fevers of Aspirationalism and Overconsumption are indeed wonderful, god-like attributes.
Thou must continue to believe in Me and refrain from Revolutionary medications.

6. My human race shall make tremendous sacrifices to sustain their planet yet no individual shall be required to Shop Less.

7. My governments shall shield behind incompetence, vacuity, over-regulation, FOI and 'Commercial-In-Confidence' while their constituents, my beloved productive plebs, shall enjoy no privacy.

8. All single parents must be forced to serve Me for slave wages, leaving their children in the care of fellow slaves. (It's My Economy, Stupid!)

9. With several months of experience, a computer, Publisher and Photoshop as thine tools, thou shalt decree thyself a Graphic Designer and market thine services accordingly.

10. My house has many rooms. There are no elephants in the room. god knows everyfink.

(third draft)

Sunday, 26 October 2008

you really need to read this particular post

I've had a flurry of micro-activity this weekend, with the unfortunate result that yesterday's crucial post has slipped down the queue.

If you read nothing else (your loss), please check this one out!

a sensationally funny joke

Warning: DON'T read this with a mouthful of beverage.

The chicken and the egg are in bed together.
The egg lights a cigarette, leans back and says, 'Well, that one's sorted.'



Source: my good mate Pete - and those who came before him.

soothsaying from the backyard: the Good Oil

I'm not the type of person who says 'I told you so'.
We all make mistakes; we all embarrass ourselves from time to time: the last thing we need is some wanker reminding us (at the worst possible time) that we ignored their priceless advice.

OK, now that the mandatory, qualificative preamble is out of the way, I'm going to:
(1) give myself a hearty pat on the back for delivering a series of rock-solid insights since I started this blog, early in the New Year; and
(2) humbly suggest that you might gain - in at least three senses of the word - from paying closer attention from now on.

This is neither the time nor the place to collate a definitive testament to smugness, so here's just a couple of recent-ish examples which serve to contextualise the current global 'economic crisis'.
(Spoiler: sorry folks, said 'crisis' will remain ONGOING for the best part of a generation until genuine cultural shift kicks in.)
http://jedsbackyard.blogspot.com/2008/04/joke.html
http://jedsbackyard.blogspot.com/2008/05/whats-real-cost-of-mythical-free-market.html

Go back thru my archives and you'll find a few more incredibly accurate analyses. (Pssst. Some have still to eventuate.)

[faintly heard: a lone voice from the Peanut Gallery:]
Stop beating around the bush! Desist from abusing equine species post mortem!
What's your nebulous point this time, Jed?

Right here, my savoury, delicious, nutly friend …
Quite simply, I'm right.
Yes, I'm the first to admit that the highly-nutritious produce from Jed's backyard is seditious and often critical …
random and occasionally querulous …
too-frequently prolix, impenetrable and convoluted.
I remain 50% post-new-age care-bear and 50% self-righteous, bloody-minded mongrel.
I embrace free-spirited rebellion, creative entrepreneurialism and gritty, generous collectivism - all the while, somehow, trying to balance a love/hate relationship with six billion other human beings …
BUT - like it or not - I know what I'm talking about.
AND I always tell the Truth!

Phew. Deadly punchline.

To summarise.
Just get with the program:
I'm giving you these insights for free.
No strings attached.
(Comparison: Late-nite TV Guy want an arm, a leg and both your kidneys for a pile of disingenuous hogwash.)

If you choose to ignore what I'm giving you - and I'm only going to say this once - I bloody-well told you so.

[ Optional homework: http://www.dict.cc/german-english/Korinthenkacker.html ]

Saturday, 25 October 2008

a new series of Big Brother you aren't allowed to switch off

(I'll need to be a bit more rigorous in my blogging habits. In the current climate, if we don't use it we're gonna lose it.)

Investing a few minutes into your own investigations (some starter links below) could literally change your life.
(Not bothering to will almost definitely change your life!)
I've never used that cliché before. Now I've used it twice.
Likewise, I've never consciously used the words Conroy and fascist in the same sentence before. It's a useful precedent.

Context: We Are Protecting Children. Yes, indeed. And grownups. Oh, yes. And warm furry puppies. Yummy!

A lert? or a llama? or a lemming?
No opt-out of filtered Internet
Policy to be set after trial
Darren Pauli 13/10/2008 15:10:00
Australians will be unable to opt-out of the government's pending Internet content filtering scheme, and will instead be placed on a watered-down blacklist, experts say.

Under the government's $125.8 million Plan for Cyber-Safety, users can switch between two blacklists which block content inappropriate for children, and a separate list which blocks illegal material.

Pundits say consumers have been lulled into believing the opt-out proviso would remove content filtering altogether.



So. Here comes the Fundie Right's first Trojan Horse since the last election.
First of many, no doubt about it. (Add Bookmark here!)
The DLP is reborn. Ethos: let's not actually FIX social problems - let's just marginalise victims, proscribe normal activities in the name of kids (nice irony there! - see my July postings), shut down debate, monitor and control people, restrict their access to information.
Inquisition anyone?

If ISPs fall into line and the public adopts its standard head-in-the-sand posture - beggar me, beggar me NOW! - we'll have crossed the digital Rubicon, cos (as with our beloved gst) you can't unscramble an egg.
(Now we've got freakin ostriches! How did I manage to stuff up my lemming analogy?)

Here is some critical analysis:
These people are llamas … and rightfully so
… so are these … indeed: watch this space.

Here is some recent backwash (yesterday)

________________________________________________
Jed's off-topic rantful spin:

Well, the euphoria of a Fresh, Visionary, Compassionate and Democratic (Consultative!!) Federal Government has worn off pretty rapidly, hasn't it?
(Aye, Cap'n, the ALP keelhauled the True Believers a few years ago!)
My personal November high lasted about 18 hours.
Watching John Howard standing on a street corner in threadbare Levis and murdering Puccini was pretty painful after all.

The Feds have NFI what to do about the Murray-Darling; they're incapable of setting realworld - REALTIME - greenhouse* caps; loath to dump AWAs (a non-core promise!) and still content to encourage Centrelink clods to bash up single parents. Oh, how many peds and wife-beaters have been arrested / charged / gaoled since the Intervention started?
(As mentioned above, it's more about control than actually repairing social fabric.)
(* Did someone mention Greenhouse!? Kevin's personal contribution over less than 12 months is equivalent to Wollongong's 1965 thru 1970.
Source? Look it up under 'hypocrite': the dictionary shows Kev and Al Gore joining the Mile High Club.)

Bottom line. Things will only get better if we mug punters want it badly enough. In the meantime …
Same old retarded cappo economics: that 'growth' is the panacea ('massive fail' to use the technical term); we'll just continue to 'share' the economic pain, won't we? (Honestly, things are indeed looking bleak in Double Bay and Toorak.)
I never believed I'd say this either: RJ Hawke is starting to look like a bloody Marxist. ; )

Yes - sigh - I realise it's technically illegal to Eat The Rich … but can't we just hang them upside down for a few days until their pockets are a few mil lighter? (Jed's 'Trickle-down Theory'.)

A postscript on the loony right …
If these bastards had their way you wouldn't be legally permitted to safely kill a foetus - I grew up when the consequences of backyard abortions were a sad fact of life.
They'd force you to go full-term and thrust a child into a world that doesn't want it.
How many Fundie Catholics do you see queueing up outside maternity wards offering to walk their righteous talk and pick up the pieces of a broken life?
So, if they got their way, you can't terminate an unwanted foetus -
but free speech, free and open flow of information?
Fair game. Kill the sucker.
(How do we sleep while our beds are burning?)

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

who remembers cardinal sins?

Here's a couple of posts I've submitted to a forum.
I've edited them for context only.

<->10 July
On the 7.30 Report last night the versatile Ali Moore demonstrated a new standard for fair-but-ruthless journalism in her interview with Pell. IMO.
Too clever by half!

There's a saying to the effect that 'if you always tell the truth you can get away with having a bad memory.'
Pity George never learnt this (or has forgotten).
Here's an extract …
GEORGE PELL: Mr Murray is quite clear and he clarified that subsequently that Father Goodall always insisted it was consensual.
ALI MOORE: Because in fact in police phone taps that Lateline will reveal tonight, Father Goodall tells Anthony Jones that "I certainly did not say it was consensual. I don't know where they got that from." And he's referring to his interview with Howard Murray in January 2003.
GEORGE PELL: I am not aware of that. I was always told it was consensual.
*

In a week when Helen Thomas deplored the standards of her journalist peers …
Toady reporters
… and during an era when Dorothy Dix sets the farcical benchmark for interviewing in Australia, Ali Moore and a handful of others offer a breath of fresh air.
The woman is a bloody legend. Watch this space.

*Neither the investigator, the victim or Goodall himself made this 'consensual' claim, so where did it come from?
My Dad, a reporter for 40+ years, often claimed that the passive voice was for cowards – most frequently used by politicians.


<->16 July
More bastardry from Australia's senior catholic

(extract from previous poster:)
Mathew 18:6
‘But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.’


Great quote, Flednam, which should apply to everyone not just 'believers'.

As I mentioned earlier, watch this space.
These heart-breaking stories are the tip of the iceberg.

Celebrate all you like, catholics.
Enjoy your innocence.
Maybe, in-between the group hugs and jolly songs, you can spare a thought for the victims of your church.

While people piss and moan that 'art' equates to 'porn' (as a potential threat to kids), in Real Life children have been permanently damaged and families torn apart by 'spiritual guides' and trusted mentors.

Pell's 'solution' to these cases?
Hush it up, apologise in private and hide behind lawyers in public.
*Pontificate* on what's wrong with society!
Yep, just what our planet needs: more kids.

Friday, 6 June 2008

spammers = scammers

Phew! Where to start?
At present I have one phone line, used for voice and broadband Internet (and, infrequently, for faxes - remember them!?).

Well, I've had the same number since 1996 when my ex-partner and I moved to Warburton.
At roughly the same time (1996) we incorporated our business … so for eight years (until the company was liquidated), we ran Banshee Graphics Pty Ltd.
From what I can ascertain company details automatically become public property, so it was no real surprise that we were quickly inundated by trash marketers: frequent, unsolicited calls from any range of douchebag businesses trying to flog (usually dodgy) products and services which we never needed and never wanted.
Up to a point, we were philosophical about this phenomenon: it's the price you pay for living and working in a shameless and consistently hypocritical 'market' economy - and I for one don't begrudge another the right to earn a living.

At some stage - late nineties? - we were so busy that we purchased a second line.
And when we separated, in 2004, I kept the original number and my ex-partner, S, kept the newer one.

It's a fact of life that The Market is insensitive to changes in circumstances: it runs on dollars, disinformation, vacuous 'incentives', blind greed and a 'crash-through' mentality - and fuck anyone who gets caught in the traffic.
As a registered, productive and legitimate company it was all-too-easy for us to be sucked into the vortex comprising any number of marketers' databases.
But just try DISengaging!
Fair dinkum. Telemarketing - this responsive and consumer-need-drivenjuggernaut - reminds me of herpes simplex: it's painful, useless and it just keeps coming back.
Since 2004 I've been receiving more trash calls than ever before - and they've steadily increased up to the present.

About 12 months ago both S and I signed up to the Howard government's 'Do Not Call' register.
Well, as with pretty much everything 'achieved' under Howard's watch, it's been pretty bloody useless.
(Not too destructive compared to most of his anti-worker initiatives, but you can't win 'em all John.)
The volume of unsolicited calls to my number has roughly doubled since then - from an average of five per week to around 10 - while calls to S's number are now approaching zero.

For several months now, I've been screening my calls and only picking up for legitimate callers - but I know that I've missed out on genuine business opportunities - and even many personal calls - as a consequence.

A couple of weeks ago, I RE-registered with Do Not Call - but nothing has changed in the interim.

At times, I feel that I no longer truly 'own' my phone line.

What I need is a strategy to remedy this situation.
All the while, I remain sympathetic with telemarketers in third-world countries who are simply trying to improve their material existences and are in no way driving this abhorrent, exploitative, BASTARD-CAPPO agenda - but, equally, they need to learn to be sympathetic to my existence!

The best I can come up with at this stage is to publish any information that comes my way, in the hope that the spammers, scammers and turds involved might get their come-uppance in the full glow of public scrutiny.

Here's one to go on with.
Mid-afternoon (AEST) 5 June 2008:
"Gavin" from "Multicom Corporation" or similar.
'Please to' call him back on 1800 179 276.
(Garbled reference number: 142298)

Hey GAVIN: Please to FUCK OFF!
(Or at least email me your home number so we can 'catch up'.)

Friday, 30 May 2008

yet another joke

Apparently Schapelle Corby's beauty salon has a couple of other signs on the door.
There's an advertisement for Shapelle's new herbal treatment which is guaranteed to take 20 years off your life.
It's for women who have lost their appeal.

Source: http://au.messages.yahoo.com/news/top-stories/1135494?p=2

(Funny how anything concerning a convicted drug smuggler generates perverted humour.
Good thing nobody else in the family uses, deals or tells lies: THAT would be exceptionally funny.)

camden, new south wales

Just a quick note to congratulate the good citizens of Camden, west of Sydney, for their passionate interest in planning issues.
A few days ago 200 of them attended their local council meeting to hear confirmation that a planning permit for a new muslim school is the district would not be issued.

All I can say is, GOOD ON THEM! And GOOD ON COUNCIL!

Appropriate usage of land, even in rural areas where there's plenty of room for everyone, is crucial.
Amenity is important to all of us; I think we can all agree on that.

Gosh, there's road traffic to worry about. There's sewage. There's garbage collections. Miscellaneous infrastructure.
There's the incalculable environmental impact of thousands of border crossings every schoolday of the year.
AND, next thing you know, they'll be moving in on us.

And the children. Our children. Oh my, who cares about The Children?

So, to all Camden's quiet achievers out there, GOOD_ON_YOU!
No doubt you and the other 199 attend every council meeting where planning issues are concerned.
No doubt you continually have done so in the past … and continually will do so well into the future.
Even past the day when the muslim 'language!' and 'culture!' have usurped your Proud White Trash ghetto mentality, I'm sure you'll keep showing up at council in your akubras, ug boots and union jacks, upholding a noble tradition of 'looking after the neighbourhood' and - ca va sans dire - keeping planning issues first and foremost while staving off racist agendas at every step.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

9-11: the real conspiracy

Don't you love how the vast majority sees the 9-11 attacks in isolation - either as a pack of Al Qaeda terrorists opportunistically slaughtering 3000 western citizens or a neo-con plot within the US government to galvanize and unite 'christendom/ziondom' against Islam - rather than a mutually advantageous joint effort?

Back in 2001 I was dozing in front of late-nite TV when my partner shook me awake to the news that the first plane had hit the World Trade Centre.
Without going into the detail, I sat glued to the screen for the next 15 hours, flicking between channels and trying to separate fact from fiction.
Viewing these source documents it quickly occurred to me that such an attack presented an ideal opportunity for both sides - the fascist elements of the US government and bin Laden's fascist elite - to gain strategic territory in their shared agenda of an extended war of attrition.

Wake up!
There's really nothing new here: by its own admission, the US has a strong, cherished tradition of funding, equipping and facilitating selected terrorist organisations for decades.
Why should 9-11 be any different?
It's established that both sides are more than willing to sacrifice many lives to satisfy a 'big picture' agenda.

I've seen and read nothing over the past six years and eight months to change my original conclusion.
This scum feeds on death, hatred, ignorance and division.

Of all ideologies, only fascism, capitalism and terrorism inherently and systematically undervalue human life.

geelong revisited

On 29 April I posted about the Geelong footy team; in essence, that they were unbeatable …
I'm unhappy to admit that my analysis was dead wrong.
Look it up if you want to beat me over the head with it.

If Geelong ever did have a magic black bag 'o' tricks, it proved to be empty last weekend.
(It will be fascinating to see how they respond, won't it?)

My pathetic effort just goes to show how much I really know about footy.
But do you know what the great thing is?
I don't care. I'll keep posting (occasionally about sport) until someone shuts me down.

(… and NOTE that my earlier post about 'my team', St Kilda, was deadly accurate! NO guts, NO glory.)

another joke

What can six men do that three women can't?


Piss in the same bucket.

Monday, 19 May 2008

I *really* love the interwebz

Forget its efficiency and immediacy for a minute.
Ignore, even, the small and decreasing enviro-footprint of working and communicating online.

In the 'nett return' stakes, the Internet simply rocks - because it empowers people!
Not just you and me, but her and him and them and … an increasing number of global citizens every day.
No matter where you live, or how you live, or how much money you make, OUR Internet is OUR tool.
And WE can use it to shape our future.

No wonder fascist governments hate it.
No wonder the US government, for example, automagically scans our emails. (Sorry, it does. By default, we're all terrorists.)
No wonder the China government and its transnational partners (Google, Yahoo …) have connived to minimise citizens' access to information.

Knowledge is power.

Of course the Internet is abused.
There's perverts and stalkers and child pornography.
There's spam (how big is YOUR penis?!) and viruses and trojans.
There's loony-tunes crypto-fascists and neo-con zionist murderers and vacuous islamist suicide-bombers … and any number of racist, supremacist scum espousing divisiveness and even genocide.
And so forth.

But in the face of all the negatives, I'll continue to argue that our Net can help to liberate us!
A free, open and democratic system will always be abused by sociopaths: it's the price we pay for a defective gene pool!

You've probably noticed this yourself but I'll just confirm that over the past 30 years or so governments and corporations have colluded in using, misusing and abusing their power to collect and abuse our personal data, with the nett outcome of diminishing citizens' autonomy.
They have achieved our collective compliance by using the argument that 'the innocent have nothing to hide'.
So, somehow, we have become guilty of something by default. WTF?

Well, I, for one, have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of - but I draw the line at governments' right to snoop, to manipulate and try to control my life. (Don't you?)
Furthermore, the 'nothing to hide 'argument cuts both ways.
It's doubly ironic that, as governments' 'rights' to our personal information have increased, citizens' access to governments' operations and culpability has significantly decreased.
Funny about that!

Back to my main point.
I urge you to use the Internet - this amazingly powerful, free tool - to help reclaim our planet.
Be subversive. If necessary, be seditious.*
Discuss. Debate. Research.
Communicate. Join some forums.
Do a few cash deals and don't tell The Man. (Easily justified as 'Commercial-in-Confidence'.)

PS. It's worth noting that the likelihood of US government complicity in the '9-11' attacks is no longer the province of the lunatic fringe but has finally entered the mainstream.
Some of us knew this six years and eight months ago!

*sedition, noun.
1. speech or action causing discontent or rebellion against the government; incitement to discontent or rebellion.
Ex. Sedition against the Federal Government, the Court held, is a field in which Congress alone has jurisdiction to enact laws (Wall Street Journal).

Friday, 16 May 2008

wanky products

Thanks to 'global thinking' by a series of Australian governments, manufacturing in this country has been declining for 25 years.
RIP John Button. I know your heart was in the right place, but thanks for nothing.
In retail the grocery industry, dominated by the duopoly of Safeway / Woolworths and Coles, the consumer is presented with declining choice between brands, dearer prices and even products of dubious quality, pretty much all imported!!, in the name of 'competition'.

No, really guys, thanks for all that. The bigger the lie, the more believe it.

But that's not why I've dropped in today.
I wanted to 'credit' a few products that society doesn't need, has never needed - but has decided it actually does 'need' - and will continue to pay good money for.

How about the blue liquid that we dump in our toilets?
Nice one. A toxic chemical which interferes with the biological action septic tanks were designed for.
We get away with it because an increasing number of households no longer take responsibility for their waste locally but ship it off 'somewhere else' via sewers.
Congratulations for concealing your culpability and convincing yourself that your excreta is someone else's problem.

How about 'leaf blowers'?
Now that hosing down your driveway (whatta wank) is illegal pretty much everywhere, morons take refuge in a machine which is almost effective as a rake.
Have you useless gimps discovered how a broom works?
Seriously: well done!

How about 'diet dinners'?
For fuck's sake, calories aren't rocket science.
Try eating less or eating better quality food rather than consuming overpackaged, over-processed muck.

How about 'climate control' in cars?
I just love it.

To be continued.

Friday, 9 May 2008

confessional

Constructive criticism over the months has convinced me that my posts are often impenetrable.
(Say the word 'rant' many times, quickly: it blurs, acoustically, into 'rah-rah-rah'!)

Those of you who know me well enough will understand why I do this.
Whether you do understand or not, here are some reasons.

1. There's so much to say.
2. It's all, in my opinion, urgent.
3. There's always at least two sides to an argument and I find it difficult to summarily dismiss positions I disagree with.
4. Therefore, this internal debate all too often invades my writing, effectively undermining my own platform.
5. The compulsion to integrate every aspect of my complicated life is too often impossible to communicate succinctly.

There's more, but that will do.

Having set up this 'defence', I need to transcend it!
I'm a professional communicator, after all.
No doubt, it's wonderful to vent - I'm all for it! - but the main purpose of a blog, I think?, is to reach out and share ideas.
To do so effectively demands that I express my ideas clearly.
It would be a pretty sad outcome if no one read my posts but me!

Feedback welcome.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

what's the real cost of the mythical 'free' market?

I'd be the first to admit that, as a general rule of thumb, you can't change human nature.
Example. There's nothing wrong with communism in its purest sense but as applied, historically, it has too often brought out the worst in humanity: criminality, genocide, elitism and privilege, incompetence, lack of accountability, exploitation, suppression and repression.
Substitute communism with Catholicism or Islam (or any cult you like) and you'll observe a similar phenomenon: the finest altruistic principles corrupted by human opportunism and manipulation.
Another time, I'll look at this phenomenon a little more closely.
Suffice it to say, most communist states have broken down because the vision, in practice hasn't matched the theory – thanks to human nature.
Why? Too many of us don't really believe, in our hearts, that we are no better than everyone else.

A global economy underpinned by the 'principles' of Supply and Demand is humanity's panacea.
Damn! I didn't vote for it but I'm really impressed!
As with most noble precepts, capitalism works - on paper …
Production and consumption increasing in harmony, in equilibrium.
Innovation, excellence and hard work rewarded: wealth for all!
Mutual obligation - so no free rides at society's expense.
Productivity and Competition keeping prices down; mediocrity and underperformance penalised.
'Just In Time' management offering efficiency gains to benefit the marketplace.
(insert your favourite cliché here)

How much needs to go wrong before our collectively-thick-as-pigshit human nature perceives that the free market is a complete crock?
Six billion of us live in a closed system which can't sustain anything approaching continual growth.
In fact, if we all stopped breeding tomorrow, our manufactured environmental crisis is still inevitable.

When I was in high school 35 years ago, we learnt that a quarter of the world's population lived in poverty.
Thanks to the market, they still do.

As for aspirationalist 'working families' - a favoured tool of the overpaid and largely underworked notional 'left' here in Australia - this term needs to be replaced with 'WORKING POOR'.
REAL workers are being screwed worse than ever.

Saturday, 3 May 2008

let's shut this arsehole down …

… permanently.

(… and any individual or organisation that underwrites him.)

Guillermo Vargas Habacuc

This piece of scum calls himself an artist. I'll give him 'art'.

Maybe 30 years ago I read a quote from Doris Lessing along the following lines. Unfortunately, despite several searches, I've not been able to properly source and attribute it, but truth transcends 'credit' …

The measure of a civilization is how it cares for its defenceless.

What kind of 'civilization' tolerates and even encourages torturing animals? Darling, how caché!

Guillermo Vargas Habacuc belongs in prison where he should be fed the same diet as his former pet.

Friday, 2 May 2008

get with the program … coupla useful links

Regain control: Insight 1

Regain control: Insight 2

quality before quantity … efficiency before 'busyness' … Equity before morbid overconsumption.

Wake up before your bed catches fire.

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

a joke

I'm rebuilding this from the ground up as I can only remember the theme and the punchline.

A groom and his best man were called upon to sign a document after the wedding service.
The groom, who had never learnt to write, inscribed a large 'X'.
The best man, at his turn, wrote 'XX'.

'What's the second X for?' asked the groom.
'Oh, that's my economics degree.'

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

geelong

Upfront! I'm nowhere near a footy expert.
I know a lot about many sports but AFL isn't one of them.
However, I think that sometimes I notice little things that smarter followers don't.

The Geelong team is playing footy on a different level than other teams and, if their form continues, they'll prove it against all the rest.
This is my contention.
I've listened to maybe 80% of their first six games this year - on the radio - and watched about 15-20% of their total gametime.
It's become increasingly obvious to me that, if a footy team can be compared to a car, Geelong has something like an extra cog, a supercharger, nitrous oxide … a 'blitz factor' they can use for around 15 or 20 minutes per game - and call upon at will.
This sets them apart.

Until the other teams achieve the discipline, intellect and physicality to recognise and effectively respond to this phenomenon, Geelong is unbeatable.
I'm inclined to give most of the credit to their coach, 'Bomber' Thompson.

Case in point: last weekend's encounter with Fremantle.
I reckon Freo matched Geelong for about a third of the game and were actually 'the better team' most of the time.
But, when the Cats really needed points, they collectively reached into this mysterious place and simply overpowered the Dockers.

When the Cats are on song, they can win by 100 points without raising a sweat.
And when they're playing badly, they do enough to win.
They've shown this time and time again.

In due course we'll all find out if their current dominance is sustainable.
In the meantime I'm going to enjoy it!

Saturday, 26 April 2008

shark fin soup II

(Might be helpful if you do a little
Homework
first.)

I'm not a Buddhist. I'm an atheist. (Owned up to that one ages ago.)
But I really like the way Buddhism works, if you know what I mean!
Without getting even slightly mystical about it, I feel compelled and, equally, determined to integrate every element of my life - work, relationships, eating, sleep, leisure - into a single, contiguous and internally consistent philosophy.

Segué …
I'm not an expert on permaculture; I'm not even what you might call an adherent.
But I really like the way it works - and I use bits of it pretty much every day.
Why?
I appreciate efficiency, elegant design, appropriate technology, optimising resources, allowing 'nature' to do its thing … but helping it along if required.
It's an integrated, wholistic, systematic approach to making things work better - both Locally and Globally.

Back to shark fin soup!
The following extract is lifted from the 'homework' link above.
I've deleted a few points to avoid complexity - leaving us with only five (but plan to revisit these principles again).
Selected extracts are in italics; my comments are appended to each in Roman; 'shark fin soup' is abbreviated to 'sfs'.

Holmgren's 12 design principles
These restatements of the principles of permaculture appear in David Holmgren's Permaculture: Principles and Pathways Beyond Sustainability

Apply self-regulation and accept feedback - We need to discourage inappropriate activity to ensure that systems can continue to function well.

Where is the incentive for the sfs industry to 'self-regulate' if consumers don't do anything to 'discourage inappropriate activity'?
The Market God is blind to all evils until the Market God itself - you and I - shoves a red-hot poker up its own backside.
This method shut down the ivory and fur trades so transforming the shark fin trade should be a doddle.

Use and value renewable resources and services - Make the best use of natures abundance to reduce our consumptive behaviour and dependence on non-renewable resources.
Produce no waste - By valuing and making use of all the resources that are available to us, nothing goes to waste.

These two principles, both packed with value, merge.
Rather than controlling nature, we have every 'right' to manage its renewable resources in a genuinely sustainable fashion.
In doing this, we should waste nothing. If killing sharks is sustainable - and, under a quota system, it should be - then we have an an obligation to waste none of it. As matters stand, the market for sfs is anything but sustainable.
As for "our consumptive behaviour and dependence on non-renewable resources": refer to my earlier comments regarding Greenpeace's wasteful and indulgent activities.
It's run by smart, capable people who can and should do better once they get over their addiction to fame.

Integrate rather than segregate - By putting the right things in the right place, relationships develop between those things and they work together to support each other.
Refer to my opening statement.
Seriously, the only hope for our planet is "the getting of wisdom".
Every act we undertake as individuals has consequences. Most of them impact on others.
I feel we should seek, at all times, to ensure our actions offer a nett benefit to our fellow six billion "travellers" - even those yet to be born.
Let's make an effort to get these relationships right.

Creatively use and respond to change - We can have a positive impact on inevitable change by carefully observing, and then intervening at the right time.
It's great to finish on a positive note!
(I'm the first to admit that my posts contain a lot of criticisms. I use the analogy of "The Emperor's New Clothes": before a problem can be fixed it must be recognised as such.)
Just as the philosophy of Permaculture accepts and even embraces change, we all need to do the same.
Peak Oil has come and gone over the past few years and the reality is finally sinking in.
The knee-jerk reaction was bio-fuels as a solution, but - for a change - the Reality Check kicked in pretty damn quickly!
Dedicating agricultural resources to fuel means less food (and / or dearer food - for those who can still afford it).
Well, sorry, DUH!
It might be an idea to bite the bullet and start weaning ourselves off the teat of self-indulgence (a.k.a. overconsumption).

To close the current discussion for now …
In simple terms: if a large shark fin equates to a single meal for one wealthy, self-indulgent person, how many needy people would the whole animal feed?
Doesn't it make sense to meet the nutritional requirements as many as possible from a decreasing pro rata food supply?

Bottom line: let the tossers have their sfs under a quota system.
But make the bastards pay for it, Bigtime, ensuring the rest of the animal goes to the hungry at a subsidised rate.
(Could the Coalition of the Willing start doing something useful for a change, like maintaining an economic blockade along other than racist, ideological lines? I have my doubts.)

shark fin soup 1

Background info here:
"ego, pride, exhibitionism, hubris..." a strong case for retrospective abortion.com

As always, never accept my word for it: Google is your friend.

The increasing demand for shark fin soup during an accelerating global food crisis serves, in many ways, to encapsulate the intellectual vacuum manifest between the tokenistic 'sustainability mantra' and a less-than-smug reality.
To supply the decadent demand for a bland and occasionally toxic product, whole dorsal fins are cut from live sharks before the animals are dumped back into the ocean to die slowly or to be torn apart by their cousins.

Now, I'm no fan of Japanese whaling 'research'. Everyone knows this 'research' nothing but a Big Lie.
Governments and diplomats would do well to call Japan's bluff, literally, by 'shirtfronting' the lying, hypocritical bastards and giving them a few smacks for fibbing.
In mitigation, however, at least the whales aren't being mutilated and thrown away. The entire whale is the product, not a tiny piece of it. It's killed; it's used.
Although the jury's still out, whale harvesting may even prove to be sustainable.

Given these two parallel realities, why do people get all warm, fuzzy and concerned about the latter but not the former?
Why are there quotas for whales and not for sharks?
How many sharks are being butchered alive for every whale killed and eaten?
How many tens of millions of dollars, tens of thousands of litres of fuel, thousands of hours of human resources, are invested in the annual Greenpeace Anti-Whaling stunt?*

Is it possible these resources might be invested more wisely?
Perhaps in one of dozens of third-world countries where people are literally starving?
Hmmm, the lying-hypocritical-bastard syndrome is catching on!

Boycott shark fin soup. Boycott restaurants that serve it. Boycott people who eat it.

*In the interests of balance re Greenpeace activities:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominionpost/4495790a6031.html
(But who died and annointed them cops?! If I wanted another pack of interventionist bully-boys I'd become a US citizen.)

Sunday, 6 April 2008

st kilda

I emigrated from Sydney to (far) East Gippsland in 1983.
A few days after I completed the relocation it was made clear to me that, although this wasn't mentioned on the induction paperwork, the choice of a Footy Team had now become mandatory.
At the time violence for non-conformance was colourfully implied (but not, fortunately, ever enforced).
Gotta love those Border Security bogans.

As I had no plans to seriously engage in lemming-like behaviour I chose the team-least-likely-to-ever-win-anything-again - just to shut these wankers up.
Yes, I went with the Saints.
Incidentally, this decision balanced nicely with my League team, St George, who had enjoyed many good years.
(John Howard and me on the same bandwagon: the symmetry is complete!
Moreover, the atheist in me relished the irony.)

Despite myself, over the years I started to engage in the fortunes of St Kilda.
For the remainder of the Twentieth Century, I became increasingly depressed with every thrashing 'WE' received.
I twitched when any of the boys 'got done' for anti-social behaviour. (I shuddered a lot.)
My eyes brimmed when Plugger Lockett, Big Bad Barry Hall and Spider Everett moved on.
Y'know, a fan can only take so much!

Then, at some stage (what? four or five years ago?) the bastards started winning more games than they lost.
It's amazing what a couple of decent coaches, bags of money and a newfound culture of maturity and accountability can do!
Despite myself, I was forced to flirt with the idea that St Kilda could actually become A CONTENDER.
This really messed with my mind for quite a while, especially when they actually 'contended' once or twice.

However, in my heart of hearts, I knew the Sainters wouldn't let me down.
They haven't and they won't. Feel free to bookmark this.
When push comes to shove, St Kilda lack the heart to win a premiership.

PS. Robert Harvey? ABSOLUTE LEGEND, mate.

Saturday, 5 April 2008

more jed stuff

I needed to 'share' an image a while back and set up a Flickr account.
Here's the address:
over yonder, hiding behind the punkins

Have a look.
I'll be updating it from time to time, with a mixture of personal and professional images.
(Uploaded quite a few today; each has its own little editorial.)

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die

Ever since sustainability became 'fashionable' and entered the mainstream - over the past year or two - this song has been kicking around in my head.
What am I getting at?
Most of us have good intentions. Flush once a day. Use more moderate settings on the reverse-cycle. Separate our waste (and maybe even value add it through a compost bin). Minimise using the car. And so forth.
Simple, good, enviro-friendly stuff.
At this level, society has no problem with sustainable practices.

However (and I don't enjoy pointing this out), in the current global context most of this stuff is feelgood tokenism.
Yes, I consciously and actively boycotted 'Turn-Off-Your-Lights-For-An-Hour' Day.

Face facts. None of this micro-behaviour will deliver a more liveable planet - that is, 'heaven' (what it was at some stage and what it still can be) - unless we are prepared to change our MACRO-habits.

Face facts II. OUR beloved market economy is working continually against a sustainable planet by inciting us to spend, consume, replace, upgrade … whatever it takes, including accumulate debt and, yes, fuck up the future.
As a society, what are we doing to resist?
(It's OUR economy at the end of the day, since it couldn't function without us.)

You tell me.
What is sustainable about buying a new car (or computer or TV or whatever) every three years?
Without delving into the issue of increasing fuel prices, I see a nett benefit in the disincentive to consume. HOWEVER, as long as work-related vehicle expenses are tax-deductible there is no real disincentive for many, is there?

Don't get me started on discounted airfares!
Can anyone else see the elephant in the room? (She's wielding a baseball bat.) Where is the disincentive to consume?
Look, I'm not out to spoil the fun - and everyone is entitled to travel now and then - but a single extra flight, created from the demand / supply relationship, probable cancels out dozens of lifetimes of 'micro-improvements'.

Many posts ago I wrote a little on the subject 'governments just don't get it'.
Well, they don't.
As they toy with sustainability - spraying our money around on warm, fuzzy confabs - they remain paralyzed like rabbits in the floodlight of the Future train.
Addicted to revenue, they desire both a boom economy and a green future but can't decide which is more important. WTF??
None of them can get its head around the compelling need to enforce lower consumption … by reducing production first and foremost as well as by implementing genuinely progressive policy and proactive legislation.
Interest rates and the stock market don't exist to serve people; governments do.
The market economy is simply not sustainable. Further, since it's largely managed by profiteers servicing an addiction to overconsumption, it simply can't be trusted.

When the carrot approach doesn't work, get out the stick.
Example: legislate to remove tax-deductibility from all unsustainable business practices.
Example: as with fuel, tobacco and alcohol, apply a massive (non-deductible) 'excise' to airfares and inefficient vehicles.

To get to 'heaven', we all need to 'die' a little.

[Phew! That was exhausting. I wanted to briefly address 'carbon trading' from my Backyard point of view, but that will have to wait for another day.]

Thursday, 3 April 2008

functionality II

Last month I mentioned applying for a few jobs.
As one who treasures autonomy, all I can say is that you do what circumstances dictate.
If any of these applications had been successful I'd be back on the chain-gang, earning up to 300% of my current income, paying my bills comfortably, conquering the mortgage … and probably drifting away from what I really want to do.

Best outcome: one company asked me if I'd consider relocating interstate. I was chuffed but had to decline.
Worst outcome: an employment agency declined to respond to either of my emails.
(I was surprised that they demonstrated such contempt to a job-seeker - but enjoyed the irony.
I'm going to suggest they employ someone with appropriate skills to respond to emails.)

It can be difficult living literally month-to-month, not knowing what's around the corner in terms of income or how to meet that next batch of bills.
I've seen a lot of new grey hairs this year! (And, despite renewed efforts, my business is still far from sustainable.)
Yet, there's a wholly different set of stresses involved when you work for someone else.
You and I both know it, so don't argue. Just don't.

As a realist, I know I'll never be 'master of my destiny' in the purest sense - but working for yourself comes close.

I seriously love hard work.
Yes, I'm actively disengaging from physical hard yakka - I've seen more than my share over the past 35 years - but I'm happy to power away at any 'office' jobs indefinitely.
When I say 'happy', I mean it! I love doing illustration, design, typesetting, copywriting and the rest.
I love my little network of three computers and three printers. I even love the frequent challenge of keeping them functional.
I love turning a job around quickly.
I love looking after my clients - and take a genuine interest in their business operations, as well as in their success.
I love the efficiency and immediacy of modern equipment and telco services, as well as their dwindling enviro-footprints. Appropriate technology at its best!

Fair dinkum, if I had a reliable revenue stream I'd do most of this stuff for free.

functionality

Finally got the image-linking tool to work!

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

shopping trolley blues

Well, I'm back after more than a month.
I've spent this time trying to be less introspective and more outgoing, with partial success.
After registering with 'Seek' a few weeks ago I've applied for a few jobs online.
I also applied for a job I found in the local papers.
Modern 'professional' courtesies being what they are, no one notifies you if an application is unsuccessful.
I've also invested a bit of time in building up my business. Handed out a few business cards; made a sign for the road frontage; taken a flier into its final stages … I might even print a few off today.

What else have I been doing?
Well, my 'property caretaking' job has seen me mending the odd fence, slashing a five-acre paddock and doing a couple of hours' brushcutting.
Wearing my pest control hat, I've taken out ten wasp nests: two were European wasps, the rest paper wasps.
I also had a few hours' work repairing a small trailer.
The 'office' stuff has fallen into a deep, dark - hopefully temporary! - hole.
Basically, earning $40 here and $50 there, I've made enough to pay for petrol, smokes and beer!
So it's been a tough few weeks in terms of finances and March is looking pretty bleak as well.
Bills are accumulating; literally no money to pay them.
I'm owed about a grand. If it all came in this week (it won't!) it would just about cover my immediate and upcoming debts.
I had been really looking forward to starting some workplace training in a few days. Only six hours a week but grossing $210, it would have helped a lot.
Unfortunately, due to shortage of enrolments, this course has been deferred for five weeks.

I've discovered an interesting 'barometer' of my disposable income. The humble shopping trolley.
When I'm earning real money, I use a trolley at the supermarket.
When I'm not, I use a basket - or nothing at all.
It's been about six weeks since I used a trolley.
It's great to have reasonably well-stocked freezer and groceries cupboard!

As for fresh produce, February finds my vegetable garden at maximum output.
I've been enjoying fresh corn, beans, tomatoes, chillis, silver beet, cabbages, pumpkins, zucchinis, coriander and other stuff. The passionfruit are cropping three or four months early, possibly due to the mild winter in 2007.
Some beautiful thornless blackberries as well. These are seriously yummy and reminiscent of black mulberries (my favourite fruit) in flavour.
For some reason, it's been a bad year for tomatoes, eggplants and raspberries, with yields down about 80%.

Last Autumn, I cooked up about a kilo of chilli pickle. This is absolutely fabulous in curries and casseroles. I'm down to the last spoonful, BUT this year is looking good for a bumper chilli harvest.
Thanks to Spring's abundant crop, I was able to freeze about 4kg of (shelled) broadbeans. This works out to about 25 generous servings. These might just last until Winter …

Sunday, 27 January 2008

dancing in the dark

There's a saying about 'leaving this world a better place than when you entered it.'
I've always instinctively believed this - and probably will until the day I do 'leave'.
Certainly, I'll never know if I've made a real difference overall, but would like to think my personal 'nett input' has been positive.
Among the important things I've learnt, and tried to apply, are 'passion', 'courage', 'honesty', 'loyalty', 'common sense', 'objectivity' and 'compassion' … and I rate them equally highly.
Perhaps the greatest discovery of my entire life is belief in myself, which kinda encompasses the above values. It's never been about 'putting myself first' (see below), but about trusting my own judgement.
Among the notionally important things I've never learnt are faith in a deity … and ambition.
I recognise the widespread craving for a god of some kind. It gives people a reference point or (a term I'm fond of) an anchor.
I also appreciate the positive impact of 'believers' in the real world which, on balance, is greater than the negative.
To generalise for a moment, there are two kinds of believers: (a) those who use their faith for personal aggrandisement (the selfish), and (b) those who obey their god's direction to serve humanity (the selfless).
A subset embracing both kinds? Do me a favour!
Walk your camel through the eye of a needle first, then we'll discuss it.
Alternatively, try shedding your skin, starting anew and standing naked in the face of an infinite cosmos. I did it at 14 and haven't looked back.
I'll have more to say on this from time to time.
Moving on …
'Ambition'. Hmmm. Sorry, I've never understood it. So much so, in fact, that I've started to think I'm missing a gene!
I'll probably die with my working boots on, wondering how to pay the next electricity bill.
In the meantime, I'll continue to count my blessings.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Revisiting "IF"

That brilliant (?German-made?) biographical Dennis Hopper movie was on TV the other night [insert name here].
Although I'm not a movie buff, as you can tell!, Dennis is my favourite actor.
At the very end of the film, after the credits, Dennis recites Rudyard Kipling's "IF".
I've copied and pasted it below; and then made some personal observations.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


This verse made an enormous impression on me in the seventies.
I'm not saying it's great as a work of literature … it's not.
However, "IF" says pretty much everything about being true to yourself, regardless of what The Rest of The World is doing … and irrespective of how badly (or well) the World is treating you.
Put more simply, it's a 'call to courage'. Gotta love that!
Pure courage is in short supply these days, probably because there's no dollar profit in it.

My biggest problem with "IF" is that it excludes fifty per cent of the population!
Women are often more capable of sheer courage than men, yet Kipling's last few words effectively dismisses females from 'owning' (or even sharing) the poem.

A smaller quibble, but just as valid, is with this extract:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;


OK, fine if you 'have nothing to lose' …
but what about everyone else - especially those closest to you?
An equally valid interpretation of 'risking' your 'heap' is that it's the ultimate act of selfishness, only practised by people who don't give a shit about their loved ones … OR who rate the potential 'return on investment' more highly than their family's wellbeing.
I dunno, Kipling really dropped the ball here; it reads as a bit of a rich boy's wank, which largely detracts from the value of the poem: perhaps it's a stanza too long?!

Thursday, 17 January 2008

church of garbology

http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress

The net is buzzing with news and views about a Tom Cruise video bite, in which he 'articulates' his beliefs.

[I use that word with extreme prejudice!]

[use the link above, however long it lasts! otherwise, google is your friend]

Over the past 48 hours, give or take, the 'Church' of Scientology has been systematically pursuing any site hosting the video and threatening it with legal action.

Google Video has complied (and, it seems, so has Youtube); it remains to be seen whether or not we bloggers are enmeshed in the same net.

Anyway, here's my (edited) response - posted today - to a thread in my favourite forum …
[Some context for international readers: Kevin Rudd is Australia's new Prime Minister; his informal election slogan was 'Kevin07' - and he's often quoted as saying 'I'm from Queensland and I'm here to help.]


Cruise had nine minutes plus to deliver his message.

I got it: like Kevin07, he's 'here to help'.

However, ignoring the banal 'traffic accident' scenario, what 'help' is he offering?

Now, if you gave Kevin nine minutes of airtime, scripted or not, he'd be able to say what he'd actually done in his first few weeks and what he planned to do in the future.

And whether or not you agreed with him, his policies would be 'out there' for all to see.

OTOH, what concrete policy / reform / vision did Cruise offer?

What has he or his church delivered to real people?

Fer chrissakes, a quarter of the world's population live in poverty and squalor!


How will he or his ridiculous 'philosophy' (a.k.a. indulgent 'gibberish') make our world a better one?

I could only conclude that he was on about 'enlightening' people, not improving their lives.



OK, I'm enlightened: I'm an atheist. Even so, I recognise that most religions and belief systems (warts and all) have some socially useful activities.

Is it just me, or is Scientology-according-to-Cruise a complete wank for rich spoilt brats?

The other thing that's got me baffled is why this 'church' is pursuing and threatening websites who've been hosting the video.

If Tom Cruise Superstar is such a marvellous advocate for the cause, shouldn't they take advantage of the free marketing?
AND spend the LEGAL BUDGET on HELPING REAL PEOPLE?

Monday, 14 January 2008

oh, what a tangled web …

Apologies if you've seen this before; it's a few months old.
Yes, it's a propaganda piece … constructed from real video bites.
All that's missing is a few Australian talking heads!

If you oppose truth in politics - maybe you favour leniency for war criminals? - piss off back to MyFace or share trading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgfzqulvhlQ&eurl=

Saturday, 12 January 2008

one reason why I grow my own

The following is an edited version of a post I submitted to an online forum earlier today.
I think it's worth repeating …

I'd like to see harvested dates on fruit and veges sold as 'fresh'.
Retailers are now required to state country of origin, at least if it's not Australia: fair enough.
However, this requirement doesn't resolve most QC issues.

How much stuff is being sold as fresh food when it's last season's harvest, or at least several months old and preserved in coldstores?
I've needed to return potatoes, of all things, to my local Fresh Food People because they were rotten. (Gotta love that smell!)
And it's amazing how much 'fresh' produce gives up the ghost within 24 hours of getting it home.

It's not just about perceivable quality either.
Fruit and veg lose nutrients rapidly after they're picked; for this reason canned or frozen groceries are often more nutritious than the unprocessed, unpackaged product.

Thursday, 10 January 2008

my pressure cooker

To use a 'kitchen' metaphor, we live in a microwave environment.

I have a microwave. I use it about once a fortnight to partially defrost meat and roughly twice a week to 'steam' some treats (e.g. food scraps, sunflower seeds and a little pasta) for my chooks.
For a short time, around 10 years ago, I used it for cooking but, overall, I found that the flavour and texture of microwaved food was second-rate.
This is a personal opinion and, if you disagree, good luck to you.
Over the past decade or so there's been a quiet debate happening about the quality and nutritional value of the food that comes out of the microwave. I'm not pursuing this debate but, if you wish to, 'Google is your friend'.

Partly due to fond memories of my Mum's pressure cooker (which produced such delicious meals from the cheapest cuts of meat), but mostly due to my personal need to eat quality food, I bought my own pressure cooker in 2004.
It's not huge - maybe six litres - but it's thick-gauge stainless steel with a heavy base.
It has a series of safety features - including an idiot-proof interlock on the handle and a special seal - to ensure it can't explode.
This quality of engineering makes it so much nicer than Mum's aluminium unit, which posed a minor threat to our domestic wellbeing every time it was used.

Alongside my rice-cooker, my pressure cooker takes pride of place in the kitchen. Neither is ever 'put away': what's the point, when both are used six days out of seven?
Making best use of a pressure cooker is fairly straightforward. Yes, you can use it to brown meat and caramelise onions. Yes, you can use it to retain the natural nutrients contained in meat and vegetables, rather than 'cooking them off' by using a standard saucepan or frypan.
But, best of all, a pressure cooker offers not only high-quality, tasty food but also quality time with yourself!
One of their traditional selling points is that they 'halve the time' required for cooking meat and vegetables, but this 'feature' doesn't wash with me. Want speedy meals? Use the bloody microwave!
No, what I really like about my pressure cooker is that we work together as a team - at a similar pace.
Preliminary preparations: if you are using chickpeas and/or dried beans they should be soaked in cold, salted water for 24 hours or simmered for at least an hour.
Phase one: Pressure cooker on the hotplate (medium-high) with two or three tablespoons of olive oil; while it heats up, chop up meat, onions, garlic, ginger, chillis, mushrooms, whatever needs browning. Chuck this stuff in as you go and stir vigorously every minute or two.
Phase two: Add water (according to volume required) and turn hotplate down (medium); add slow-cooking ingredients (e.g. pre-softened dried beans, chickpeas) and herbs, spices and condiments; put the lid on and allow to cook for 45 to 60 minutes. (You might need to reduce the stovetop temperature to medium-low to prevent food sticking to the bottom of the pot and burning.)
Phase three: Prepare your 'fast-cooking' ingredients (e.g. fresh vegetables, lentils); open the blow-off valve on the cooker until the lid can be removed; add these ingredients and continue cooking under pressure for around 20 minutes.

As Mum did, I buy budget meat - and I use my own homegrown vegetables whenever I can.
I reckon I eat as well as anyone, and often better … thanks to my pressure cooker.
And, if I prepare enough for three or four days - and refrigerate in-between - I can enjoy 'fast food' most nights; in fact, at successive meals, the flavour of the food improves.

It would be interesting to know 'average' food preparation times in 2008 compared with 30 or 40 years ago …
Why does genuine restaurant food usually taste better than homemade?
Well, most of it doesn't come out of a packet.
It usually doesn't go anywhere near a microwave.
Maybe it's fair to say that, as a general rule, the quality of the food we eat is directly proportional to the quality time invested in making it?
Man! We so busy being busy, aren't we?

Monday, 7 January 2008

peripheral vision

(WARNING: this post has no scientific merit)
I want to talk about a phenomenon that, to my knowledge, has never been documented elsewhere.
There is a direct correlation between the quality of an individual's peripheral vision and the quality of their relationships with other human beings.
Of course, anyone can produce exceptions - medical conditions and so forth - but I'm talking about a general principle.
To state it another way: rude, self-centred people are less visually aware of those around them.
You can easily test this theory the next time you go to a supermarket or a party or drive on city streets.
So there's a degree of correlation between an individual's physical attributes and their psychological makeup.
It's all about a quality called perception.
Loud-mouthed barge-arses don't have it.