Saturday, 8 November 2008

Jed's Ten Commandments for the Naughty Naughties

(Probably a work in progress: this is the first draft.)

1. I, the Market, am the god of everyfink.
Despite my ongoing series of massive fails, all governments shall kneel before me.

2. My servants shall continue to privatise profit and socialise debt in My name.

3. My apostates shall cheat, speculate, exploit and lie massively until found out.
Then tell a different lie … ad infinitum. For this is my divine will. And My children have 'special needs'.

4. Greed is good, as is Poverty - as is Mediocrity - for I cannot survive without all of These Things.

5. The dual fevers of Aspirationalism and Overconsumption are indeed wonderful, god-like attributes.
Thou must continue to believe in Me and refrain from Revolutionary medications.

6. My human race shall make tremendous sacrifices to sustain their planet yet no individual shall be required to Shop Less.

7. My governments shall shield behind incompetence, vacuity, over-regulation, FOI and 'Commercial-In-Confidence' while their constituents, my beloved productive plebs, shall enjoy no privacy.

8. All single parents must be forced to serve Me for slave wages, leaving their children in the care of fellow slaves. (It's My Economy, Stupid!)

9. With several months of experience, a computer, Publisher and Photoshop as thine tools, thou shalt decree thyself a Graphic Designer and market thine services accordingly.

10. My house has many rooms. There are no elephants in the room. god knows everyfink.

(third draft)

2 comments:

Lon said...

Ah i love it, pure gold.
My favourite one was
no 6:

'My human race shall make tremendous sacrifices to sustain their planet yet no individual shall be required to Shop Less.'

That made me laugh,
keep up the good work jed.

Lon

call me jed said...

Thanks Lon.
… whoever you are.